I want a baby. I want something mine to hold onto. I’m pretty sure that’s the #1 reason on the "Why you shouldn’t have a baby" list, but I don’t care. It’s another one of those times of awful I could do without. And when those times hit, the feeling of being cosmically alone (or potentially so), becomes unbearable. I love Ben muchly and more than I can explain, but he’s not blood. He’s not required to stick around and might, in fact, not (then I’d have to kill him, but that’s a post for another day). In my moments of zen-like approach to life I can almost deal with the idea of death and the emptiness. I cannot deal with the solitude. And all this thinking doesn’t help anything and is actually distracting from the positive approach I need to maintain.

Oh woe, thoughts come and go. There is no peace for me today. 

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