I feel very zen today. Half of me does, at least. The rest is ready to rip things into tiny tiny shreds. I got a call from someone yesterday. She has been feeling guilty about not seeing me enough and wanted to go out to eat. I would’ve gone to eat pizza (I have a craving, ok?), but then the thought she would’ve been there too made me reconsider. Once upon a time this person was my bestest friend in the world. And not in a 7 year old way either. I would have never doubted her love for me. Now she’s nothing but a stranger who makes me feel uneasy, because she’s seen me without a bra and fragile more times than I care to admit. I was stalking her like I would have an ex-boyfriend not an hour ago and realized that that is exactly how I feel about her. There’s this mixture of anger because her life goes on (a life, btw, that she has made no effort in involving me in), there’s a bit of wanting to reaffirm I am perfectly fine without her (and, quite honestly, I am), and there’s also the full awareness we’re now going our separate ways. She has the typical dumper’s guilt and that has little to do with me. I am having a mad rush from realizing this and finding myself just slightly ticked off and no longer disappointed.

And now I am off to cook. Yes, I cook too now. How we change…

This entry was posted on Tuesday, October 7th, 2008 at 7:42 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.