I keep thinking of posting, but not actually doing so. I started yesterday and then upon shutting down, I shut down the post. It’s 5 days until Xmas and this year it does feel like Xmas. It doesn’t feel like poop under my shoe, stinking up the room and grossing me out. Quite an improvement from last year. This year I put up a tree and I bought gifts (albeit late). This year there is cheer and quite a lot of spirit. There will be a Xmas eve dinner and a Xmas lunch. And happiness. And that terrifies me. I cannot function on normal. I have to be in overdrive to not be devoured whole by anxiety. Relaxing makes me grow 5 ulcers. My “at peace” state is the same of the pretty girl in the horror movie, right before the knife comes out of the darkness and turns her into stew meat. I cannot conceive, nor enjoy, these times without knowing that it’s all temporary. It blows. And things have been good for a while, which means the expiration date is fast approaching.

And then the other day I was in the bathroom, brushing my teeth and noticed how rotten our lucky bamboo has gotten

(photographic proof)

and I was sad. Somehow I always interpret these things as omens (obviously my being mentally deranged has nothing to do with it).  And then I realized that this year has been good. Good and somewhat eh, but not sucky to the extent many other years have been. We have sucked the luck straight out of that tiny bamboo. Thank you little Ikea bamboo! (and I think the fact we haven’t thrown it away yet shows how unflinchingly optimistic we are)

And in better news yet, we have a spare! More luck is on its way.

This week has been dreadful. Well, not dreadful really, but I’ve been in a hell of a mood. It ranged from IWANNAEATEVERYTHINGAROUNDME,MAYBEEVENYOU! to bouts of IWILLKILLYOUSOHARDYOU’LLBEGMETOKILLYOUAGAIN. My hormones have been raging, raging so hard I thought, at first, I had finally reached the end of my sanity and was now doomed to roam the streets muttering to myself, waving my fist at others and drooling (only the drooling would be new, the rest I already do quite proudly). The biggest cause of grrrr has been my job. I feel like an idiot for even questioning the awesome that is my $20/hour job, but this week had nothing to do with reasonable. It was all about the gut. And the gut is fierce! I work with 2 wonderful women. One is a selfless, professional, all-around great woman. The other is a total hippy who makes me laugh. They’re supportive and appreciative and fun. My boss, on the other hand… He’s a primadonna. And he has moods. And 70% of the time those moods don’t affect me. He has P(owertripping)M(an)S(yndrome). He gets a high from treating us poorly. It’s all good… It’s all good until he catches me during a week like this one and then it stops being good. Or remotely fun. This week I’ve wanted to wear the pointiest shoes and just attack his crotch repeatedly. I was hired as an Office Assistant, I was not hired as a maid. I can understand all of us chipping in on the cleaning, but I’m NOT a frickin’ cleaning lady. When I turn on that vacuum cleaner, I just want to fall into a coma. I see my life  slipping away. I don’t want to be this forever, but on weeks like this, I don’t want to be this at all. NO MORE! I am tired of being treated like crap by him, I am sick of his double-guessing every move. I cannot stand the fact the ratio is 3 females to 1 man and he still ALWAYS leaves the seat up. I am at that point of fed up I have started antagonizing him. This can’t end well.

I tend to hold on tight to my birthday. I have a love/hate relationship with them, but since I’m a) a self-centered bitch, and b) always up to the “well, since it’s your birthday…” priviledges, I always let it linger for as long as Ben allows me to. We spent my actual birthday in Vienna, where I was treated to Sacher torte, snow and yarn. It was fantastic. I can’t even remember a time when my birthday had been so enjoyable as this one. May this be a testament to how awesome my year 33 will be.

On Friday Ben, Cara, Kate and I headed on to the Hard Rock Cafè and celebrated with hamburgers. I had a lot of fun. I must say that Cara has been my ray of sunshine in these unfriendly waters. Being around her is as therapeutic as being around our Chubby cat.

On Saturday we went knitting with Kate for her last day in Rome. I have such mixed feelings about the knit café. I like hooking up with knitters, but when the talk focuses ONLY on knitting and/or crocheting, I wanna smash my head against a hard surface. Maybe my expectations are just unreasonable. Or maybe our Barnes and Noble past set an unrepeatable precedent. After the knitting, we snuck Cara and Kate @ Vincent’s for the most delicious Thanksgiving feast. Oy vey! Needless to say my diet went on a 3 day hiatus and I need to get back on track or else.

Ben has started his Italian course (he started on the 24th) and is already speaking in Italian. It’s quite amazing. And, despite his recent disappointment, I am sure he’ll spring back and will be back to charming the ladies in no time. And in Italian, nonetheless.

Now I am off to wear a bra and wait for Cara to make her way here. We’re gonna have a busy week ahead.