This year my capital sin of choice has been envy. I have envied like never before. I have turned green and greener with each day. I have neglected the good in my life, to shift focus onto someone else’s life. And not enjoy what I saw. I have hated it, but couldn’t resist. Envy is the perfect complement to any pity party I’ve ever thrown together. It sinks you in deeper, while all the while slapping you in the face.

I’ve envied: thin people, people with a plan, people with a career, people with money, cats that sleep all day, funny people, intelligent people, people who get away with shit, people who have people to rely on, people with big families, people with a lot of friends, people who are loved, people who love with abandon, happy people, thinking people, thought of people, envied people, powerful people, people with more interests than sitting on their ass, creative people, people who grow, people who change, people that have inner peace, people who try harder, people who try at all, people who like other people, people who have fun, people who don’t hold grudges, people who take it in stride. And the list goes on.

This year I’ve learned that being a bitch doesn’t win you any friends. I’ve been hostile and entitled and uncompromising and, quite surprisingly, ended up alone. I still have some entitlement and I haven’t forgiven most, but I vow to keep a more open mind, to give people a second chance.

And yet 2008 was still full of hope and promise and I am so very very happy I got to spend it with a few,  select, awesomely special people. I’ll try to be better in 2009 and hopefully 2009 will be good to me too.

Happy New Year!

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